15 November 2012
the sound and the fieri.
In order to commemorate the New York Times' catty review of Guy Fieri's restaurant in Time Square—which apparently qualifies as major news in this strange world we live in—I decided to do some beautiful art (see above) for your entertainment. The review complained that his toasted marshmallows (not a euphemism) tasted like fish. That's because they dab them in the dewy clefts of Fieri's groin after he walks up five flights of stairs. It's the secret recipe. The question no one bothered to ask was why toasted marshmallows are being served in a restaurant in the first place. Exactly what else is on the menu? Cookie dough batter and sour cream and onion Pringles?
I've hated Guy Fieri for a long time now, so I experienced no small amount of schadenfreude when he was called on the carpet for his formaldehyde-flavored beverages on the Today show this morning. Even if it's libel, it's libel for a good cause, I say. I mean, just look at the man. Don't you just want to stick his whole head in a deep fryer? I'll bet his flesh would be tough and gristly if you tried to eat it though. (That's just idle speculation.)