Blogging is a symptom of arrogance, usually. There's no getting around it. I am saying to you—not specifically you, of course, but anybody and everybody who might ever read a blog—'I have something to say that deserves to be said.' There's an effort involved: whenever I crap out a blog entry, I must do the work of arranging and organizing my thoughts, to whatever degree, and then assembling them into something coherent and pleasing to a hypothetical audience. In other words, I've got to tart up the language—make it voluptuous—in order to seduce you. It's a whore's art. Of course, I'm not claiming that I'm successful—after all, I have only a handful of followers—but any failures on my part do not imply a lack of effort. I always try—and trying is work. There is an essential shame in that effort—because it carries with it a desire to be loved. Or if not loved, then not hated. All art (in the mere sense of 'artifice') is an effort to be approved of or credited with some meager accomplishment. Even the most iconoclastic and 'difficult' artists have an audience in mind; their disingenuousness cannot absolve them.
Do you ever watch The Soup (formerly Talk Soup)? It's a show on the E! network—a channel more culturally deleterious than child beauty pageants or heroin addiction—which anthologizes the worst/best moments (i.e., best in their worstness) from the previous week in television. This past week included a snippet from Entertainment Tonight; apparently the entertainment news show did a story on the prevalence of celebrity death hoaxes on the internet, which consisted—in part—of photos of celebrities who were (supposedly) rumored to be dead with the words 'FALSE' or 'NOT TRUE' stamped on their faces. It's important to note, however, that these celebrities were not old washed-ups who have long been out of the public eye, but A-list celebrities, like Brad Pitt. The long and the short of it is that Entertainment Tonight aired a 'news' story to inform its viewing audience that celebrities like Brad Pitt were, in fact, still alive. As an addendum, the program also showed viewers how easy it is to create an online celebrity death rumor—essentially providing a how-to guide for the aspiring hoaxster. (I'm working on the Adam Levine death rumor immediately after I post this. Apparently he was torn apart by rabid yaks.)
Why am I reporting this to you? My reasons are twofold. First of all, I am attempting to remind myself that a nationally broadcast television program like Entertainment Tonight, which has been on the air since 1981 and no doubt costs quite a bit to produce, believes that is useful or diverting to inform its audience that Brad Pitt is not dead. So why then should I ever think that anything I might blog about fails to meet some minimum criterion for public interest or relevance? Secondly, I am reminding all of us that if there is in fact a danger of someone like Brad Pitt being killed off so easily by some computer nerd in stained underwear living in his mother's basement, then what hope is there for the rest of us? We must constantly assert ourselves online; otherwise, we cease to exist. Blogito, ergo sum.
In other words, I'm back.
Welcome back, Bitch.ReplyDelete
1) "I must do the work of arranging and organizing my thoughts, to whatever degree, and then assembling them into something coherent and pleasing to a hypothetical audience."
In order to write a blog? Or in order for your blog to actually be worth reading? Because 99% of bloggers don't seem to put much thought in the crap they spew and I bet some of them have even more followers than you do. (But they are all idiots.)
2) I can't believe Talk Soup is still on the air! It is probably a really shoddy program now, but—and don't argue with me, Kowalski—back in the day, it was good. I enjoyed that whole first season with whats-his-face.
3) Am I to assume that you despite/abhor/pick-your-derogatory-adjective Adam Levine? If so, YAY! We finally agree on something. He fucking sucks.
(Note: perhaps it is the arena of music where my 'hatred' for bands/artists comes out, as it does not come out as strongly or as often for books & films apparently.)
I can't edit posts. That is supposed to say 'despise' and there is a link to Kinnear there somewhere.Delete
1. In order for a blog to be worth reading.Delete
2. I still love The Soup, and I DVR it every week. Joel McHale of Community is currently the host.
3. I don't hate any living person on this planet more than Adam Levine. That might be a slight exaggeration, but I desperately want to communicate to you and the world how much I loathe him.
P.S. I deleted your other 'deleted' post, for your convenience.Delete
I think Adam Levine is dreamy. And his tattoos are so edgy. I could go on and on but what hasn't been said about how great he is? Nothing. Nothing hasn't been said about how great Adam Levine is.Delete
Thank you. Incidentally, I dislike a bunch of artists, so Adam Levine is not special in this regard. I hate John Mayer, I hate Jason Mraz, I hate Bon Iver. I hate Iron and Wine. I might hate Sufjan Stevens, too, but I haven't given him enough of a chance to impress me yet.Delete
Oh God, I fucking hate Josh Groban.
I can see most of those but Iron and Wine? He's just a bearded fella playing gentle music and not getting a whole lot of publicity for it.Delete
I like Bon Iver and Sufjan Stevens' music for the most part but they do both seem like huge douches.
My roommate was a huge Iron & Wine fan, so I heard his whiny voice a lot and i DO NOT LIKE. I guess I'm pretty picky with my singer-songwriters, or maybe it's just more the folk sound that I like, although i admit there's an overlap.Delete
Or you're saying I&W don't fit because they aren't mainstream? I don't listen to the radio so I honestly have no clue who's mainstream and who isn't.
Also, Bon Iver is a band, right? Not a dude?Delete
Well, I've always thought of Bon Iver as one guy, Justin Vernon, because the first album was made by just him in a cabin in Wisconsin, or at least that's how the story is told. I think of Iron and Wine as just one bearded fella, Sam Beam. And Bright Eyes is just Conor Oberst. But maybe Bon Iver is a band?Delete
Iron and Wine doesn't fit to me because he just seems so innocuous. I would react the same way if you said that you really hated napkins.
I hate cloth napkins. Does that fit? I just feel weird wiping my snot on something that is to be used again. But not weird enough not to do it when the need arises. The whole situation is weird.Delete
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Anyone who doesn't want to lick Adam Levine's teeth is a homo.
Imagine your face is where her hands are and be happy.
If my face had to be where her hands are, I'd bite that fucker clean off and mail it to his mother.Delete
It's his music I hate more so than his penis. His penis I'd probably hate too, but you can just never be sure about these things.Delete
I hate him for his personality. He's the King of All Douchebags.Delete
Welcome back, D.ReplyDelete
+1 (i.e. what Namaste Muhfuh said; welcome back)ReplyDelete
i did wonder if you might be stockpiling a la coked-out stephen king in the 80s. :PReplyDelete
in all seriousness, i used to have a blog but i would get frustrated by trying to write something worthwhile. i used to think if i had just built up a nice little nest egg, like king, i might've weathered the dry patch. but i like your idea better: you've come up with thematic stimuli for the next two weeks!
p.s. i have never seen talk soup! but community really makes me laugh. :)