31 October 2012

proof: old timey people were scarier.

Please keep in mind that all of the following people are surely dead now and their evil spirits live in your bedroom closet waiting for just the right moment to murder you. Maybe sometimes you catch a glimpse of them in a mirror, and then you turn around and there's nothing there. That's because they want to toy with your sorry ass for awhile before they lie down in bed next to you and wrap their cold, corpse-like fingers around your neck. You may be able to turn your head while you are being strangled to see the maniacally grinning face of your demonic attacker. He'll bare his teeth as his luminescent pupil-less eyes seem to bore into your very soul. He's been biding his time all these years—just observing you while you watch television, stuff your piggy face with high-fat foods, and fart on the sofa. He's been seething with a hatred for you that's so profound that you can feel it in the pressure of his bony fingers as he digs them into your neck. Those last moments of agony will seem to last a lifetime because they will contain every bit of loathing that the spirit has been storing up for you all these years—as he's been silently watching your retarded dumbfuck piece-of-shit life...

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